Parting Words: What Ten Years of Teaching 313 Has Taught Me

Civility, Political Correctness and Respect

Everyone wants to be respected for who they are.  Everyone wants to be taken seriously, and each of us, regardless of our race, class or gender, wants to be looked at as a human being and, therefore, an equal.

I have learned that I can build a strong working relationship with anyone – regardless of our differences of age, politics or religion – so long as I treat that person with respect.  In fact, many, if not most, of the closest and most rewarding working relationships I’ve had with students have been with students who see the world radically differently than I do; this is because people are actually quite happy to work with their “opponents” so long as that person treats their own ideas or lifestyle respectfully.

The old fashioned word for using language respectfully was “civility”.  The newer, pejorative term is “political correctness”, but both terms refer to the same thing: choosing to use words that the “other” group finds respectful.

In this class we’ve talked much about both “you attitude” and “reader benefits” – choosing words that give the reader what he wants and showing him how he benefits from your request.  If we realize that everyone wants to be treated with respect, we should also easily realize that respect is the simplest, easiest and most intrinsic benefit we can give our audience.

My father taught me that there was a key to everyone’s heart, and once you found that key you were “in”, but if you never found it you would always be “out”.  The example he used was my sister in law’s insistence that no one wear shoes in her house; if you respected that request she would treat you like gold, if not, she’d treat you like dirt.  Why?  Because if you refused her request she would feel that you had treated her like dirt.

The secret to communicating persuasively, then, is to think less about whether or not your audience is respecting you and more about whether or not you are respecting them. 

The skills taught in this course are just that: skills.

        ~ They can be learned, just as you learned to read or speak a language, but:

        ~ They may take time and patience to cultivate and many years of constant effort to hone.

        ~ The odds are they will not come naturally to most of us, and learning can be a painful process; accept that.

Tom would have had to quit teaching years ago if I hadn't had to teach and thus learn these skills.  Learning to get along with people who are different from us is quite likely the most valuable -- and difficult -- job skill we will ever have to learn.  And learn.  And continue to learn....